Pussy Troubles

I want to donkeypunch one of my cats. He is such a little shit all. the. time. When he's not sleeping and being a completely worthless ball of fuzz, he's knocking things over and constantly playing in the litter box. He'll go into it and paw around for 5 minutes and just play with the little pieces of litter. Great. I raised a child whose favorite past time is rummaging around in his own feces. Way to go, Lauren! And THEN, when he gets out of the litter box, he's got all these little pieces of litter in between his toes and enjoys jumping around my apartment and sprinkling them everywhere. I mean everywhere! He makes a running superman jump out of the litter box and all you hear is bits of clay flying all over my constantly-swept hardwood floor.
He bites my toes when I'm sleeping , follows infront of me in a zig-zag pattern so that I trip over him and pees on my dirty clothes when he feels like it. My other cat (Boogeyman, the one and only) is an absolute angel. But this one, by god, he's truly a re-re. What a worthless dingleberry.

Awkward moments: Or is it spelled "akward?" I'm too lazy to look it up.

-When you're walking a dog and someone is walking right by you when the dog decides to take a huge dump. You're just standing there trying not to notice but everyone knows your dog is pooing and it stinks.
-When you are having a good day and you are getting out of your car all the while singing under your breath a favorite tune and you look up to see somebody staring at you.
-When you're at CVS buying some tampons for when Aunt Flo visits and they have to announce over the PA that they need a price check. And yeah the people in line behind you are giggling.
-When you're changing the kitty litter and you haul a big trash bag full of disgusting excriment down to the shared garbage bins and somebody walks by your alley, noticing not only that it smells like shit but that you are a busted mess, wearing nothing but a see through tank top and shorts, minus a bra, flip flops, and of course still wearing the remainder of last night's makeup as it leaks from your crusty eyes.
-When you're leaving your apartment and as you exit the door, you say something stupidly cute to your cats in a high pitched baby voice only to turn around and realize your neighbor is walking by your door and thinks you are NUTSO.
I love those types of moments. Maybe I'm just crazy.


Feel free to comment and tell me YOUR a(w)kward moments!